


Disutility Ignorance

by Lunamichi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Other, Threesome - M/M/M, random AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-01
Updated: 2012-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunamichi/pseuds/Lunamichi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disutility Ignorance – the state of having one’s interests set back without one’s knowledge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disutility Ignorance

“Karkat table 6 is asking for a refill.”

“Karkat table 8 is complaining about something.”

“Karkat don’t let the customers wait.”

“Karkat clean the milk spill that a kid made at table 11 once you’re done.”

“Karkat I need you to take this for me.”

“Karkat handle that one customer for me will you?”

“Karkat table 6 still hasn’t gotten their refill.”

“Karkat-”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! I’LL GET IT!”

The entire restaurant went silent and stared at the troll server that suddenly had the outburst. After regaining his breath for a few seconds the troll went into the kitchen to resume his work. Work as usual was hectic, especially during the lunch rush, but what made it worse this shift was that the two people that he hated the most at that moment had to eat at the very restaurant that he worked at, at that specific time, and at the same time.

Table 6: Dave Strider a.k.a Nookwhiffer 1

Table 8: John Egbert a.k.a Nookwhiffer 2

“You okay, Karkat?” Tavros his coworker in the back asked, “You were kind of uh, loud out there.”

“I’m fine, nothing’s wrong. I just hate this shift as fucking usual. Got that coffee ready?”

“Uh yeah here,” Tavros quickly handed Karkat a pot of freshly made coffee and the angry troll stormed off back into the battlefield.

For some reason when he came out he saw John and Dave glaring at each other. If this was another one of those idiotic attempts to get the better of each other through him then he was going to kill the both of them when he got home.

“Here is your coffee refill _sir_ ,” Karkat resisted the urge to smash the coffee pot over the blonde’s head after pouring it for him. With gritted teeth he did his job to the best of his ability, “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

“Cream and two sugars babe.”

“Right away sir,” with his cracking smile the troll strolled off back towards the kitchen but of course he had to be stopped by the customer at table 8.

“Excuse me there is a hair in my sandwich,” the ‘customer’ complained.

_Good please choke on it._ “I’m so sorry about that let me go get you a new one.”

When he turned to leave, Karkat definitely felt a hand on his ass. He snapped his head around ready to yell at the perpetrator, but the boy was just casually reading a newspaper as if he was innocent. The troll went back into the kitchen, slammed down both the coffee pot and the plate with the contaminated sandwich down, startling Tavros and making him drop whatever he was working on.

“Your face is stuck. It’s that cracked look you have when you want to kill the customers but with greater intensity this time. Is Eridan out there?” Kanaya hung up her order slips in the kitchen without looking at the troll that was about to snap.

“Worse.”

“Oh so your roommates decided to visit.”

With a groan Karkat smacked his head on the nearest wall.

“Uh Karkat your, remake is, ready,” Tavros cautiously pushed the newly made sandwich across the counter closer to fuming troll.

“Time to go back to hell . . .”

“Good luck,” Kanaya mused as he forced the cracked smile to return to his face. He headed back out with a new sandwich, a small jug of cream and two sugar packets in his hands. As soon as he stepped out Karkat saw that his shift would be over in five minutes according to the clock above the entrance. He quickly dashed over to the tables and tried to finish up so he could leave.

“Wha-” the sandwich slamming on his table startled John and when he looked up at the clock he scarfed down the meal as fast as he could and dashed out there after paying the bill.

“Where the hell did that asshole go,” Karkat faltered at the empty table 6 with the missing Strider and the still full cup of coffee. It only fazed him for a bit but after seeing the tip on the table he quickly snatched it up, stuffed it in his pocket and bolted back to the kitchen.

“Done Karkat?” Kanaya stood at the kitchen door holding quite a few orders and blocking his way. 

“Yes I served the rest of my tables and cleaned them up and I’ve already done an extra two hours because Nepeta called in sick today. Please Kanaya I just need to go home and rest.”

“Wow you must be tired. You actually said please,” she chuckled at the little glower he gave her and stood aside. She barely picked up the ‘thanks’ he slipped out but it made her smile a little bigger.

“Bye Tavros,” Karkat zoomed through the kitchen to get his stuff and leave.

“Oh bye Karkat.”

The troll left the restaurant through the back door in such a rush that he had forgotten how hot it was outside. He growled at the intense heat wave that hit him. Once again he would be sweating buckets by the time he got home. Plus he would have those two dorks to deal with in their shared apartment. How those two even managed to get him to live with them in that shitty apartment complex was a blurry memory to him. The trek wasn’t very long but the heat made it feel even longer. 

Arriving at the apartment building didn’t help because the air-conditioning in the lobby was broken. So he could only enjoy the nice cool air after climbing 8 flights of stairs (the elevator was broken) and walking down to the end of the hall where their flat was. He stepped in and let out a sigh enjoying the cool air. He decided to take a shower first to get rid of the sweat and grime from work and his walk. Karkat tossed his bag into his room, gathered some clean clothes and entered the bathroom to find the tub already occupied.

“Hey Karkat hard day at work? Feeling a little hot? Why don’t I help you cool down?” Egbert wiggled his eyebrows as he sat in the tub full of water with rose petals floating on top.

The troll instantly slammed the door. After a few seconds of shaking that mortifying scene out of his head he headed back to his room. He decided it would probably be better to just wipe away the sweat with a towel and take a nap. Well that was if someone else wasn’t occupying his bed at the moment.

“Hey babe. Why don’t you come over here and I’ll help you relax from a long day of work,” Strider was lying naked on his side with only his sunglasses on his face and a heart shaped pillow resting at his nether regions with rose petals scattered all over his bed. Karkat hoped to dear god he was wearing something underneath that.

“Hey Karkat what’s wrong? I got the bath ready for you and everything!” John called as he walked out of the bathroom. Next thing the boy saw was Dave getting tossed out of the troll’s room and the bedroom door slamming. Dave stood up and scratched his head. Apparently the pillow was strapped onto him around his waist because the pillow stayed in spot.

“Good job Egbert you pissed him off,” Dave crossed his arms with a frown.

“No way if he’s pissed off then it’s probably your fault. You probably scarred him with your freaky act!”

“Like he’d want to get into the tub with you. You are the one freaking him out.”

“Whatever you totally stole the rose petals idea from me!”

“Both of you shut up!” Karkat cried as he got out of his room with a bag full of clothes. His eyes then met with the nice choice bare Strider ass that was facing him. Dave turned around with a grin as Karkat’s face went red. The troll made a mental note to burn that pillow if he ever saw it lying around the apartment. His face went redder when he saw John wearing nothing but a small towel to cover himself. His gaze soon found the floor.

“If I had known the two of you were going to act like complete idiotic assholes then I wouldn’t have moved in at all!”

“Come on Karkat you know why we’re acting like this. We’ve been trying to win you over for months now,” John with his wet hair and lack of glasses created a sparkling blue allure that didn’t help.

“What do you mean win me over? All I’ve fucking seen is you two torment the shit out of me and just keep making fun of me.”

“No we aren’t. You’re not seeing the big picture here. Since you can’t decide yet means that we’re not trying hard enough. If you want this to end then it’s probably better to just pick one of us already,” Dave took off his sunglasses and looked at him with his serious ruby red eyes.

“I-I can’t just pick. Y-you two are j-just-”

“Come on Karkat it shouldn’t be that hard.”

“Just tell us already.”

“I CAN’T YOU INCONSIDERATE FUCKS!” Karkat screamed before bolting for the door and leaving the apartment.

“. . . Your fault,” Dave stated.

John returned that statement with a punch to his arm before stalking away.

***************************************************

The next thing he knew, Karkat woke up in a somewhat foreign looking house. A fan was turned on and was blowing into his face. He turned his head and an ice pack fell to the ground with a thud. With a groan he flopped to his side and realized he was on a couch.

“You awake KK?” a familiar voice called.

Karkat looked around with bleary eyes and found Sollux walking towards him, “Wh . . . appen . . .”

“You forthed your way into my houthe, told me you were going to th’tay for a week and before I could athck ‘what the hell’ you pathed out from a heat th’troke in the living room. You’re lucky ED ithn’t here tho I gueth that meanth you can th’tay. Well that’th if you tell me why the hell you’re here,” his dichromatic friend handed him a cup of water.

Karkat sat up and quickly gulped it down. After feeling much better he explained, “I can’t stand it in that stupid place any more. Day in and day out those two fuckers keep tormenting me.”

“That bad?”

“Come on you live with Eridan you should know how I feel.”

“ED ith not ath bad ath you think pluth you have two ath’holeth to deal with.”

“Fuck just let me stay here for a week okay?”

“Fine but I’m not your moirail tho don’t be eckthpecting me to be lithening to your rant’th about thothe two.”

“Come on please? Gamzee is out of the country travelling and trying to find shitty god damn worldly miracles.”

“Why don’t you athck KN?”

“She’s got enough going on trying to manage that hell hole of a restaurant.”

Sollux let out a great big sigh and sat at the end of the couch, “Alright hurry up and let it out before I regret thith. I th’tart with thome dumb queth’tion right? Okay tho how do you feel.”

“This is supposed to be a moirail like session not a psychiatric session. If I wanted to do that I would have gone to Lalonde.”

“Great I thould’ve made a time limit,” Sollux pinched the bridge of his nose and looked down.

Karkat started at him with a frown, “Hey the sooner you let me talk properly the sooner we both can get this fucking unnecessary session over.”

“Fine okay let’th th’tart with why not have both. One ath a kithmethith and one ath a mat’thprit. Like what’th the big deal. We all know you hate DV a lot more than JN and it all workth out that way. Why do you have to make thingth tho difficult.”

“Because I don’t always hate Dave and there are times I hate John too.”

“Quadrant flipth.”

“It’s not that fucking simple Captor. You know how humans have that stupid one quadrant thing. They’re both not going to rest until I pick only one of them and I . . .”

“You can’t cauthe you fucking pity and human love the both of them,” Sollux, who had put his elbow on the arm rest and put his face in his hand, enjoyed watching Karkat’s face turn red, “Kay how about thith. Tell them that you won’t put them in any of your quadrant’th but you can’t let them both go cauthe of our culture and then take them both.”

“Sollux. You are an idiot. Have you not been listening to a single word I’ve been saying? Is anything registering through that fucking think pan of yours!?”

“Have you even tried anything like that?”

Karkat groaned and flopped back down onto his back with his hand over his eyes, “It’s not that simple! It’s not something that is normal to them. It’s something completely outrageous. Would you have two people in the same quadrant? These two claim to be the best fucking bros but then when it comes to me they keep fighting or trying to show each other up through me. Trying to win me over and sometimes they do work but then I remember the other and they keep going on about how fucking sharing a love- . . . love interest is not a thing they do yet they share every other fucking thing-”

“Wow you really like both of them don’t you.”

“Fuck this is the worst moirail session over. We’re done, fuck just let me stay here for a week,” Karkat flipped over and buried his face into the couch cushions.

Sollux saw the redness on Karkat’s ears and sighed, “Not like I am your moirail. But ath a friend yeah I can let you th’tay. Juth’t not too long. Before ED cometh back.”

“How are you able to even live with that guy?”

“How are you able to live with thothe two?” Sollux retorted before he got up and patted Karkat’s shoulder, “I got ithe cream in the freether if you want any and if you want to try to attempt at another fake moirail thethion then you know where to find me.”

“Thanks . . .”

“Altho I think you thould think about yourthelf in thith thituathion too not juth’t them. What do you want to do and don’t think about what they will think juth’t yet. Think about what you want and then tell them.”

Karkat sighed and put his arm back over his face as Sollux shook his head and went to his room.

*************************************************

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TG: hey i need some advice  
GC: TH3 COOL K1D 1S 4SK1NG M3 FOR 4DV1C3  
GC: 1S TH3 4POC4LYPS3 H4PP3N1NG 4G41N OR WH4T  
TG: haha very funny  
TG: see it was so funny i actually had to type out my laughs  
GC: WH4T COULD YOU 3V3R N33D MY 4DV1C3 FOR  
GC: B3S1D3S 3V3RYTH1NG  
GC: L4ST T1M3 1 OFF3R3D TO G1V3 YOU 4DV1C3 YOU SHUT M3 DOWN  
GC: 1TS K4RK4T 1SNT 1T  
TG: congratulations you have won a shiny gold medal with the engravings ‘thank you captain obvious’  
TG: you know more about him you dated him right  
TG: what the hell is his deal i’m obviously better than john so he should pick me  
TG: me over egbert is not that hard of a choice   
GC: FOR K4RK4T 1T 1S  
GC: 4R3 YOU 3V3N CONS1D3R1NG H1S FEEL1NGS AT ALL  
GC: OUR CULTUR3 3V3N  
TG: he said he’d leave us out of that quadrant bullshit  
GC: OK4Y BUT TH3N HOW ABOUT H1S F33L1NGS   
GC: YOU KNOW H3 L1K3D JOHN 4 LOT LONG3R B3FOR3 H3 ST4RT3D L1K1NG YOU SO LOG1C4LLY H3 SHOULD B3 GO1NG FOR JOHN NOT YOU  
TG: who’s side are you on  
GC: K4RK4TS BUT TH3 TH1NG 1S YOU TWO 4R3 T34R1NG H1M 4P4RT  
TG: what do you mean tearing him apart  
GC: H3 L1K3S YOU TWO TOO MUCH 4ND H3 C4N’T B34R TO CHOOS3 B3TW33N YOU TWO  
GC: H3 1S 4FR41D TH4T 1F H3 DO3S CHOOS3 TH3N TH3 OTH3R ON3 W1LL H4T3 H1M AND NOT 1N TH3 C4LL1G1NOUS S3NS3  
GC: PLUS 1T W1LL B3 TOO 4WKW4RD FOR 4LL THR33 OF YOU 1F H3 R34LLY D1D JUST P1CK ON3  
GC: YOU 4ND JOHN SHOULD F1GUR3 OUT SOM3 W4Y OUT OF TH1S M3SS  
GC: 1NST34D OF F1GHT1NG OV3R H1M YOU SHOULD BOTH DO WH4T 1S OBV1OUS  
TG: and what the hell would that obvious thing be?  
GC: COM3 ON D4V3  
GC: YOU 4ND M3 BOTH KNOW WH4T 1T 1S  
GC: PL4Y1NG DUMB 1SNT V3RY COOL OF YOU  
TG: thanks you were no help whatsoever  
GC: W4S 1 D4V3  
GC: W4S 1 R34LLY  
GC: STOP TH1NK1NG 4BOUT YOU JUST FOR 4 MOM3NT 4ND ST4RT TH1NK1NG 4BOUT K4RK4T  
GC: 4ND JOHN TOO  
GC: H3 1S YOUR B3ST BRO 4FT3R 4LL

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: fuck

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

********************************************************

“Hm and how does this make you feel?”

“Jade I think this psychiatrist chair is unnecessary.”

“Now now. Just tell Dr. Harley what’s troubling you.”

“Is that one of my fake moustaches?”

“Hey lay back down!”

“Jade.”

“John.”

With a sigh the blue eyed boy laid back down onto the psychiatrist chair in Jade’s living room. Where the girl even got this chair was a wonder. And she definitely took one of his fake moustaches from his bag when he wasn’t looking.

“Now let’s start again at the beginning.”

John let out a long and exaggerated sigh before complying, “Karkat duh. And stupid Dave. Karkat obviously liked me first so it makes sense that he should pick me.”

“But it’s not like you wanted to go out with him the moment he confessed to you. You kept bringing up how it might ruin your friendship and it would be awkward and-”

“Yeah okay I did say those things at first but now it’s different and then all of a sudden he tells me he can’t because he also has feelings for Dave! Like what the hell!”

“It’s because you kept holding it off for so long! Of course he would think you’re not actually interested and try to find someone that would return his feelings.”

“Then what do I do?” John groaned, “I like him now. But stupid Dave just had to come along and ruin everything.”

“You ruined things yourself John.”

“I thought you were supposed to help me.”

“I am. You’re just not helping yourself and Dave is your best friend isn’t he?”

“Ever since Karkat moved in it doesn’t feel like it anymore.”

“Has it ever occurred to you two to try to share Karkat?”

“Jade. Do you know how bad that even sounds.”

“How is it bad? It’s like a mix of our human culture and Karkat’s Alternian culture. It’s without the quadrants of theirs, but it’s with the one love of ours,” Jade spoke as if it was common sense.

“Jade that’s ridiculous.”

“John, Karkat’s different from us. It might have actually crossed his mind before, but he didn’t bring it up because he’s being too sensitive about our culture.”

“But of all the people to share him with, okay that still sounds too weird, but of all the people why does it have to be Dave? It just ups the weirdness of this whole situation.”

“What it’s not like Karkat’s going to ask you two to make out or anything.”

“Ugh! Jade that’s disgusting! Why would you even say that! He’s my best bro too not just some other random guy! Gross!” John sat up to cry out and he looked at Jade unbelievingly, “And take off my moustache. I can’t take you seriously like that.”

“What? I think it makes me look more intellectual,” Jade quirked a brow and stroked the fake hair.

“No you look stupid.”

Jade rolled her eyes and took off the fake moustache, “Okay moustache aside. You called Dave your best bro so that means you still think of him as a best friend even in this situation. Karkat’s different and so are you two, so this is a whole different playing field. Instead of tearing him apart by making him choose, why don’t you two just try it out? It might be beneficial to all three of you.”

“It’s just . . . too weird.”

“John say that after you tried. Now go and talk to Dave about it and make a plan. You never know until you’ve given it a shot.”

“Alright fine,” John agreed and got up.

“Oh and tell me all the details after everything works out.”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“John stop thinking negative and go have your important talk.”

“Yes Dr. Harley,” John replied in a monotonous voice and quickly absconded before Jade could throw something at him.

********************************************************

“Hello? Yeah he’th th’till here. Good job guyth you were tho bad that you drove him to my plathe. No ED ithn’t here. If he wath maybe that idiot would have lithened to him and I wouldn’t have had to. And after that ED might have even gone after you two and yell at you two for bothering KK tho much.”

“Who are you talking to?” Karkat peeked into Sollux’ room when he passed by. He heard the troll pick up the phone and stopped walking when he heard his nickname. It was late into the night and Karkat didn’t feel like sleeping. He was actually headed to the kitchen to eat his third bowl of ice cream of the day.

“Juth’t a thec,” Sollux lowered the phone and put his hand over the speaker, “It’th your roomateth.”

“Hang up.”

“KK they’re theriouthly worried about you.”

“Hang up on them.”

“KK.”

“Fuck tell them I’m not here.”

“I already told them. It wath the thecond thing I thaid.”

“I’M NOT GOING BACK!” Karkat screamed before storming off.

“Did you hear that?” Sollux asked putting the phone back to his ear.

_“Yeah.”_

_“Damn he’s really mad,”_ a second voice was heard over the receiver.

“You two methed up bad. He thaid he would only th’tay a week but he might be planning to th’tay even longer. I doubt he’d want to even thee you two for a long time. You guyth juth’t went too far.”

“Yeah we know we get it. We messed up big time, but we talked to each other and now we have to talk to him too.”

“I don’t think he want’th to talk to you guyth ever again,” Sollux heard the sound of his fridge opening, “KK don’t tell me you’re eating more ithe cream!”

“SHUT UP I DO WHAT I WANT. YOU SAID I COULD EAT IT WHENEVER I WANTED.”

“Fuck okay be right back,” Sollux placed the phone down and ran out of his room. On the other side of the phone the two human boys could here shouting and some sort of struggle going on. After a few minutes an out of breathe Sollux returned.

“Okay wow if you have any plan to fickth him tell me now becauthe at thith rate he’th going to gorge himthelf with ithe cream until he get’th thick.”

_“Yeah we do have a plan actually. Call us when he falls asleep and we’ll come over to get him.”_

Sollux sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “If he athckth, I wath no part of thith and you two broke into my houthe and kidnapped him.”

_“Sounds good.”_

***************************************************

The morning sun peeked through the blinds to wake the slumbering figure, but the grumbling troll pulled up his blanket to shield from the annoying rays. The sun on the human planet wasn’t as strong as the one on Alternia but it still bugged him from time to time, especially in the morning. With a groan he sunk further into his bed.

Wait.

His bed?

Karkat shot straight up and threw his blanket to the side. Quickly scanning his surroundings he found that he was back in his room. The room that was in the same flat as those two assholes that he didn’t want to see ever again. He found the bag that he had packed to go to Sollux’ place was in the corner of his room and he came to two conclusions. During that phone call the other day Sollux either told them to get him or he was kidnapped. Actually both could be plausible. If he left now he could probably make it to Terezi’s house by lunch.

With that plan in mind he put his bag over his shoulder and headed for his window. He was on the second floor but it wasn’t that high of a jump. He jumped through higher before and was somehow unscathed. Dumb thoughts aside he walked over to the window, completely ignoring his bed head appearance, and slid the window open. Right when he opened it all the way an annoying alarm like sound rang through the air.

“He’s up!”

“And he’s using the fucking window like you said!”

“Maneuver C is in effect.”

“Go go go!”

Karkat heard footsteps and he quickly began to climb out the window. Just before he was about to jump his room door opened and there he saw Dave.

“What the hell man? Can’t you even wait for any kind of explanation? You could have at least yelled at us for taking you back first.”

“No! You two would just use that fucking opportunity to keep me here! I’m not listening to a word you two nookwhiffers say!” the troll turned again and got ready to jump.

“Karkat wait.”

“Fuck you Dave!” and with that he jumped.

And landed in the arms of a blue eyed spectacled boy.

“FUCK!” Karkat cried and pushed away at the face of the boy that was holding him.

“I got him!” John cried out against the troll’s struggle and began to head back inside, “Ow Karkat stop! Ow ow ow claws! Ow!”

“SHUT UP. PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW JOHN OR SO HELP MRGH-”

Karkat was immediately cut off by a kiss. It managed to dumbfound him enough to stop moving and when John separated the kiss he shrunk into the human’s arms and stayed silent while holding onto his shirt and hiding his red face. John let out a breath of relief and carried the troll back to their flat. Dave was waiting at the door and let them in. He had turned off the annoying alarm off earlier and had waited. Once they came in he quickly shut the door.

“Don’t think I didn’t see that Egbert,” Dave stated as John put Karkat down.

“I wasn’t hiding it. I was just trying to get him to stop hitting me. I have a scratch on my face don’t I,” John cautiously put a hand to the side of the face Karkat kept trying to bash at.

“Whatever. My turn,” Dave put his hand under Karkat’s chin and before the troll could react the human pressed his lips to his. After a few seconds Karkat tried to push away but the blonde pulled against him. Then he began hitting the boy on his arms and shoulders indicating his need for air.

“Dude no fair! That’s way longer than mine!” John complained as Karkat finally managed to push away and breathe.

“How do I know you didn’t steal another kiss while on the way up her-”

Dave was cut off by a punch to the face from Karkat, which knocked off his sunglasses and made the boy fall back. The two couldn’t tell if the troll’s face was red from anger or embarrassment. Probably both.

“Whoa Karkat hold up,” John stated holding one arm up and using the other arm to help Dave up. Karkat just shook his head and booked it towards the door.

“John!” Dave cried telling him to leave him. John understood and tackled Karkat down just before the troll reached the door knob.

“GET OFF OF ME,” Karkat reached towards the door.

“Not until you listen to us!” John buried his face into the troll’s back.

“There’s nothing to listen to. You fuckasses are just doing this for fun aren’t you,” Karkat’s struggling stopped and John could feel him shaking, “I swear you two enjoy breaking me like this. Fuck I hate you both so fucking much. Just leave me alone already please.”

John slowly got off the troll and crawled over to kneel by the side of the now crying troll. Dave got up and left his sunglasses on the floor. He went over and began to pull Karkat up.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Karkat screamed and swatted Dave’s hand away. He pushed himself and attempted to wipe away the tears that would not stop falling, “Why . . . why do you two have to keep doing this to me.”

The two boys looked like they both wanted to hug him, but they held back because they knew it could just make things worse.

“We’re sorry okay. We just didn’t know to handle this. It’s just too different for all of us,” Dave explained while looking away and scratching his head. He also scooted over so that he was in front of the door so it would be easier to catch the troll if he attempted another escape.

“You two are idiots.”

“Yeah we know. We just like you a lot too okay. Maybe we really should have just gone with the whole quadrant thing,” John frowned looking down as well.

“Egbert we said not to bring that up.”

“But it probably could have solved our problem a lot sooner.”

“You know Karkat doesn’t want to do that.”

Karkat managed to stop his tears and he sighed before pulling his legs close to himself, “Instead of arguing with each other _again_ can you tell me what the fuck you wanted to say already so I can go back to Sollux’ place.”

“Well uh okay. Me and Dave well we talked a lot last night about what to do and we came to a conclusion that you don’t have to pick any of us.”

“You’re telling me that it’s better that none of you date me?”

“No that’s not it but er well.”

“Is it too weird to say that you should go out with the both of us?” Dave awkwardly took over, “Cause that already sounded way too wrong to me from just saying it. Jade said something about sharing but wow fuck that sounds wrong too. I mean fuck even Terezi said it well hinted it I think.”

Karkat recalled Sollux saying something of the similar variety.

“Jade said something about mixing our culture in together and she came to the conclusion that we both should just date you and that you shouldn’t have to worry about picking either of us,” John put his finger to his cheek and winced when he touched the scratch on his face.

“How the fuck will I know you two won’t start that stupid competitive shit around me again. I’m sick and tired of it. I like you both yet you two just make it so hard for me.”

“Which is why we’re going to try this okay. We’re not going to fight over which one of us you want to love more. We just don’t want to hurt you like this anymore,” Dave tentatively reached his hand out to Karkat and put it on the troll’s cheek to rub away whatever left over tears he had.

“But-”

“Karkat please. We want to try this first. We can’t know until we try it,” John took one of Karkat’s hands, “We’re doing this for you and I guess ourselves too. We won’t do any of that stupid stuff we did before like showing each other up. We’ll just concentrate on making you happy and that’s what people who like each other do right? Please don’t think of the negative stuff alright it might just make things worse.”

“Says the one that kept bringing up the ‘what ifs’ with Jade.”

John lightly punched Dave in the arm and the blonde chuckled, “Well Karkat? What do you say? Do you want to try this out with us?”

“You two seriously want me to date the both of you? It’s not going to be weird at all for you?” Karkat gave them a look with furrowed brows. He took Dave’s hand off his cheek but still held onto it while the other hand held on to John’s. He refused to look into any of those bright absorbing eyes of theirs.

“It most likely will but hey we said don’t worry about it. We will work out the problems until we get to an equal compromise and bam happy life okay,” Dave stated vaguely.

“What he means is that worrying about it will get us nowhere and we both talked this over all last night already,” John squeezed his hand and gave him a pleading smile.

Karkat let out a tired sigh, “Fine . . . but if you two assholes start being idiots again you’re the ones that have to leave.”

“Deal,” the two said in unison and hugged the troll.

Well he was already dragged through hell and back before so how bad could this be?

*********************************************************

_“KK you owe me a tub of ithe cream and I want it before ED get’th back.”_

“I owe you nothing. You sold me out.”

_“They kidnapped you.”_

“And you let them!”

_“Did not. They broke into my houthe late into the night and by the time I got up it wath already too late. They were pretty good at it too thinthe there wath no thignth of any break inth.”_

“Hoofbeast shit. Sollux it’s just ice cream and why the hell would you need it before Eridan gets back?”

_“Dude I let you th’tay over and you ate th’tuff from our fridge. I’m not athcking you to buy every thingle item you ate. Juth’t the ithe cream.”_

“Alright I’ll get Dave or John to buy some later and bring it over okay geesh.”

_“ED cometh back in about a week tho before then okay.”_

“Alright already.”

_“Tho, how’th it going.”_

“How’s what?”

_“You know with Dave and John.”_

“It’s only been a few days.”

_“Yeah and how’th it been? Have you been wanting to rip your hair out yet?”_

“No. Well it’s been kind of weird but nice at the same time. When it looks like John and Dave are about to go into one of their stupid showmanship idiocy they somehow just stop and figure out a way to equally do something for me.”

_“Heh well if they ever do thomething th’tupid you could alwayth make them make out.”_

“You mean make up?”

_“No make out. Thee like uthe it like a threat. If they do thomething that upthet’th you then tell them to makeout ath a punithment. They’ll think it’th utterly dithguth’ting tho they won’t do it. I got the idea frome Jade.”_

Karkat went silent for a moment and then quickly tried to shake the notion that it might actually be hot to see, out of his head, “Okay whatever, I got to go. It’s movie night.”

_“Kay have fun KK oh and don’t forget about the ithe cream.”_

“Bye Sollux,” Karkat rolled his eyes as he hung up and then headed into the living room.

“Come on babe we have the ultimate cuddle spot for you right here so you can have the maximum enjoyment of comfort during your favourite romcom and snacks to go with,” Dave patted the spot on the couch that was between him and John. John waved at him while holding a bowl of popcorn.

“Do not tell me you’re going to wear those stupid things while watching the movie,” Karkat said referring to the sunglasses as he sat down. Both of them slid right up beside him right away.

“I’ll take them anytime you want.”

Karkat looked at Dave with an ‘are you stupid look’ and Dave returned it with a smile that soon turned into a scowl. On his cheek was a patch where Karkat had punched him and he probably felt the bruise when he smiled. John’s face had a bandage as well from the scratch the troll gave him.

“Whatever just start the fucking movie already,” Karkat crossed his arms and sank into the couch. A blanket then swooped over the three of them and the cuddling commenced.

“We’ll watch as many romcoms as we can until dawn!”

“The one who sleeps first has to take out the garbage tomorrow.”

“Haha you’re on.”

Karkat couldn’t remember when the last time the three were even at peace like this. It was nice, comforting and a whole lot better when they kept making him choose.

Dave and John both fell asleep around the beginning of the third movie and lucky for him it was at the same time. He felt the moment when the two of their heads simultaneously slid over until they rested on his shoulders. With his hands on theirs he just continued to watch with a smile on his face.

All he hoped for now was that they could stay like that forever.


End file.
